We Suck Donkey Schlong

So that was awful.

The lowlights were rampant. Max Ernst was out in two, the victim of an 8-ball break. Tim Malloy was out in three, the victim of a pretty decent 5, a couple of bad breaks, dead rails and general not-being-in-it-ness. Danny Irizarry was the first on the team to win a single game, but he went down, too.

That said, while there were no highlights, there were a couple of mitigating points. Despite the 0-3 start, McSwiggan's was able to snatch two victories via forfeit. Add to those two points a third for fielding a full complement of five players, and McSwiggan's left the bar with three points. That's not good enough to help use to advance in the standings, but it should keep us in the hunt.

In addition, one of those forfeit points was accrued by Sam Hubball, who came straight from the airport to lend her support. Sam is asymptotically close to her first win -- it's impossible for her to get any closer to winning a match without actually winning the match.

So it could have been worse.

But it was pretty awful. Wacky Packs kind of awful.

We're Number ... 5? Also, Next Match

Pool league standings have ben revised, and despite our heroic showing against the Baggage Handlers of Yesteryear, it looks like we lost ground.

For whatever reasons, the standings do not include our most recent victory. But even including those four points only gets us to 33, which is good for a tie for fifth.

The problem is the congestion at the top. We have four teams — the Shamrock Rovers, Double Down, Bad for the Balls and Rack & Rollers — tied for first place. And — at 34 points, all four are only one point ahead of us. So the good news is that if we can chipping away at other teams, we should find ourselves back among the leaders.

This Monday, we're back at McSwiggan's hosting Motley Cue. See you then.

Victory -- Thy Name is Conroy!

This past Monday, Kerin "Convoy" Conroy led McSwiggan's One to a key victory over the  Baggage Handlers of Yesteryear.

Though Convoy Conroy was initially reluctant to take to the table, he quickly settled into a groove. Though facing off against a 4, Conroy played with poise, rebounding from his miscues and taking advantage of the opportunities given to him by his opponent's play. At times exhibiting a laser-like focus, he sank five balls in two shots, demoralizing his foe but delighting his overflow crowd of supporters.

Sadly, this movie was the highest grossing flick in Sam Peckinpah's career.

His fine play set the tone for the evening, and netted Ol' Convoy his first victory in league play. Congratulations to Mr. Conroy, the newly-appointed 4-Killer for McSwiggan's One!

Convoy Conroy's play outshone another fine performance, as Sam Hubball came this close to also snagging her first league win. In fact, save for a double-bank scratch on the 8 that she'll never be able to duplicate, Hubball would have put her opponent down in straight games. As it was, Hubball did grab another game win, and this time courtesy of her own hand.

Danny Irizarry also had the hot hand, putting down his opponent in five straight games. He could not have dispatched his foe more quickly if he used a bolt gun.

Unfortunately, Morgen Peck was not on fire. Instead, in her own words, she played like her life depended on it (but was feeling suicidally depressive) and lost to a 3. (Ew — ick!)

Tim Malloy graciously accepted his victory in the form of a forfeit, which game McSwiggan's One a 3-2 victory for the night. All in all, a fine night for McSwiggan's, a fine night for pool and a fine night for Kerin "Convoy" Conroy.

The Day the Nerd Stood Still describes Convoy of Girls as:

One of six terrible films included in the Nazi Cult Collection. Original French title: Convoi des Filles. Like any typical 'nazisploitation' flick (i.e., an exploitation film featuring gratuitous sex and violence in a Nazi setting), Convoy of Girls revolves around a group of girls being sent to German soldiers on the front lines for their R&R.

... 

This is not the worst film of the bunch, but still a movie that nobody would miss after all copies were lost in a public movie-burning rally.

We're #3! Also, Next Match.

League standings are out, and McSwiggan's One is in sole position of third place.

And we're only two points out of second, and three points out of first!

Our next match is against the Baggage Handlers of Yesteryear at the Edge, 95 East Third Street between First and Second Avenues. New York magazine says:

Don’t let the brick walls, comfy leather couch, pool table, and dart boards fool you: This may look like a neighborhood bar, but it’s the wrong neighborhood. It’s a little bit of the Upper East Side smack in the heart of the East Village. Of course, that’s not necessarily a bad thing—especially if you’re a clean-cut prepster in search of an after-work scene on a work-free Saturday evening, and don’t mind paying an extra dollar than is the norm in these parts for a drink. The  bartenders, however, will tell you the crowd is all local, and they’re so cute you’ll be tempted to believe them. Instead, tip them well and come back Sunday afternoon, when you can have the pool table—and the bartenders—all to yourself.

A view looking out onto positively Third Street.

And a view of the pool room.

Cliff Clavin in The Empire Strikes Back

One of the few conversations at our last game which did not involve James Bond addressed the film career of John Ratzenberger, aka Cliff Clavin. According to IMDB, he appeared in (very) minor roles in A Bridge Too Far, Superman, Motel Hell, Ragtime, Reds and Gandhi, as well as in The Empire Strikes Back. Enjoy.

Victory -- Thy Name is (Argle Bargle)

In a tautly fought battle, our beloved McSwiggers fell to the top-ranked Chamois Rovers in a 3-2 match.

Kevin Tran started off strong, but ultimately fell in a heartbreaker. Max Ernst then shook off a poor performance last week to even the score. Sam Huball squared off against a three, and succeeded in pushing him to hill-hill. Morgen Peck played an odd match against a begloved pseudo-6, but did take two games in the process. Danny Irizarry went hill-hill as well before pulling off the last victory of the night.

Next week, we're off The Edge to face off against the SkyCaptains of Yesteryear. Please be sure to bring money, so we can (a) take care of our little issue with pool league fees and (b) tip the sky caps appropriately.

Update and Revised League Standings

We're #3!

Or, depending on how you look at it, #4! And we're playing one of the #1 teams, Shamrock Rovers, tonight at McSwiggan's.

Victory (Special Election Day Edition)

Firstly, get out and vote. And remember that McSwiggan's One has endorsed John Edwards to be President of the United States of America.

Never has his leadership been needed more.

Last night, McSwiggan's One squared off against the Rack and Rollers at the Bleecker Street Bar. The Rack and Rollers were tied for first going in, but that's not how they ended the evening. (I think.) Kevin Tran and Tim Malloy posted impressive victories, and Morgen Peck pushed her winning streak out to three matches. Max Ernst lost, but the biggest frustration of the night occurred when Danny Irizarry tried to play the fifth match. Playing Danny, a 6, would have put McSwiggan's at 25, or 2 above the 23 Rule.

The what?

To keep things fair, APA rules states that the sum of the ranks of the five players involved in a set of matches cannot exceed 23. Unfortunately, as both Kevin Tran and Morgen Peck got kicked up a notch recently, we can now violate this rule rather easily. (Playing Tim (7), Danny (6), Morgen (5) and Kevin (4) gets us to 22, which would mean we'd have to put up a 1. Which doesn't exist. Which is a problem.)

What does this mean for us? We'll need stronger participation from the lower ranks of the team -- namely, Sam, Kerin and Max. Another option would be killing and eating one of the other team members, but at this point, that seems extreme.

In any case, McSwiggan's One is looking strong. With our victory last night, we should be moving up to third place or so. Here are the old standings. The new ones will be posted when they come out.